Grieving is a natural, albeit raw, facet of life experienced by all people indiscriminately. It is a deeply personal, intense, and ultimately transformative journey that is unique to each individual. For families, the process can be intensely overwhelming, as they grapple with not only their personal grief, but also bear the responsibility of supporting their loved ones. This article aims to provide comprehensive knowledge and guidance on family grieving support, the road to recovery, and helpful resources for the journey.
Grief manifests after any form of loss, most commonly the death of a loved one, but also includes divorce, moving away, job loss, or the diagnosis of a serious illness. Everyone experiences grief differently with a variety of emotional responses such as sadness, anger, guilt, and confusion.
While it is important to note that not everyone will experience all stages, or in a linear fashion, it is helpful to understand the Five Stages of Grief, as proposed by Elisabeth Kubler-Ross:
Denial: This is a common defense mechanism that buffers the immediate shock. We block out the words and hide from the facts.
Anger: As the masking effects of denial start to wane, reality and its pain emerge. We may feel frustrated and helpless. These feelings later turn into anger.
Bargaining: Time is often spent considering what could have been done to prevent the loss. Individuals facing death can try to negotiate for more time.
Depression: Also described as preparation for separation. Imminent loss of the loved one causes drastic shifts in mood and demeanor, often leading to seclusion and silence.
Acceptance: Reaching this stage of mourning is a gift not afforded to everyone. It involves coming to terms with and accepting the reality of the situation.
For parents, the challenge is "double-fold" - dealing with their grief while comforting their children. Here are some strategies to consider.
Communicate your grief openly. However, label your emotions accurately to kids; letting them know that it is okay to feel this way. Involving them in the mourning process could also be beneficial. They may not entirely comprehend the situation, but it offers a sense of participation, mitigating feelings of helplessness.
Routines can offer comfort in the turbulent times following a loss. Strive to keep the child’s life as normal as possible by adhering to established schedules concerning school, meals, and bedtime.
Professional counselors and psychologists are equipped with tools and techniques to navigate through the trauma of a loss. They can offer guidance to parents on how to communicate with their kids, handle their queries, and manage potential behavioral changes arising from grief.
Fortunately, there are resources available to impart guidance and provide support to grieving families.
Local support groups: These are platforms where you can share your feelings and experiences with people who are going through the same hardship. It helps knowing that you are not alone and others understand your pain.
Hotlines and online therapy: Sometimes, talking to a stranger can feel more comfortable than speaking with someone we know. It's also beneficial for those who can't physically attend a support group.
Application-based therapy: Several smartphone applications provide resources for dealing with grief, from articles and advice to personal journaling and meditation prompts.
Books on grief: There's a wide range of literature available both for adults and children that help understand and navigate through grief. For children, books with stories they can relate to can be therapeutic and reassuring.
Here are a few commonly asked questions pertaining to family grief.
Q1: How can I help my child cope with a death in the family?
The most important thing is to be simple and honest. Explain the situation to them in a language they can understand. Encourage them to express their feelings and listen to them patiently.
Q2: What should you not say to a grieving child?
Avoid cliches such as “They’re in a better place” or “At least they lived a long life”. This can alienate them or could be confusing. Instead, acknowledge their feelings and assure them it's okay to be upset.
Q3: Is it normal to grieve for years?
Yes, it can be normal to grieve for years. Grief has no set timeline and varies greatly among individuals.
Grieving is an individual journey that we traverse collectively as a family. As a parent, it can be daunting to uphold the mantle of support for your children while dealing with your sorrow. But with open communication, the preservation of normalcy, and the timely enlistment of professional help, families navigating through this journey can and do find their path to recovery.